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[at_heart]

You called me, so my guess is you know who I am. But I'm busy, so leave a message, or whatever.

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Re: day 426? prior to fans peacing out

[at_heart]

Do I look like a snitch to you?

[ If he rats Kit out now, Kit just won't ever call on him for help again. ]

changes course a bit later oops

[ends]

[ it's... delayed, he's tired enough to be tempted to sleep rather than attempt to undo this anymore. but he does laugh weakly at the absurdity of it,

and he gestures at the fans, getting a fanfare of cheers loud enough to nearly drown out Kitsu's voice entirely. ]

... Don't want SensitIV to find out about what happened.

[ "I got it on VIDEO, so worth it!!"

"Do you think the LiliS is going to kill and die with the sIV?!" ]

Please. [ quietly, desperate. ]

Re: changes course a bit later oops

[at_heart]

...I'll keep it to myself.

[ But maaaaan. ]

What can I do for you, then, if you don't want anyone to know? [ Beat. He knows they heal faster here... ] Do you want me to just get you back to the hotel?

[ends]

[ he has to think for quite a while, the very, very faint scent of alcohol still on his breath along with everything else going on. (comforting, surely.) ]

Your offer to help me off a building, is it... still good?

[at_heart]

[ His grip on you might've tightened a little. Lupine forces himself to relax. ]

...Yeah, Kit. It's still good.

[ends]

[ oh. he felt that.

so isn't it natural for him to reach up, offering a high five? ]

... Let's do it, okay?

1/

[at_heart]

[ ... ]

2/

[at_heart]

[at_heart]

[ Gives Kit that high-five, then gets an arm under his legs and the other around his shoulder, under his arms. Standing, slowly only because he wants to be careful with Kit. ]

We can make this quick.

[ Nightingale, hopping lightly onto the appropriate leaf, and starting up. ]

[ends]

[ the motion of another understanding a high five isn't new anymore, but even like this, miserable as he's sure he must look - he smiles anyway. ]

Thanks. For not being angry.

[ not that he wouldn't get it, had anger been the initial response. but he finds, as they start to move, that even this sentiment hadn't captured everything he meant to express. ]

... Thanks for coming.

[at_heart]

Yeah? You got any other stupid things you wanna thank me for while you're at it?

[ Breezy. ] [ They're one story, two stories, three stories up now. ]

[ends]

[ he opens his mouth to speak; it'd be so easy to flippantly say,

"Not asking if I'd rather just die instead."

...

but he has just enough clarity to think better of that in particular, based on a memory he'd witnessed back in those mindscapes.

"Kill me," the girl had said. Lupine deserves more kindness than that, so he instead merely lets his head drop against Lupine, laughing breathlessly. ]

Heh... The full service lift.

[at_heart]

[ Yeah, that might not go over super well? Hard to say. ] [ Lupine snorts, but his eyes shut for a beat before he refocuses, determinedly, on the hotel; getting back to and reaching the top of it. ]

People around here, I swear.

[ends]

Yeah... I know. Hardly worth the trouble sometimes.

[ resting a hand on the knife still just hanging out of his chest, Kitsu grants himself the allowance to close his eyes and rest another minute.

keep going, he reminds himself.

keep going.

keep.

going.

he cannot allow his own breathing to falter. ]

[at_heart]

Didn't say that, and I'll thank you not to character-assassinate me while I'm carrying you.

[ Man, if he knew more about sIV powers. ]

...You're still with me, right?

[ 'Healed' or not, he's not sure about sleeping like this... ]

[ends]

[ if this is about the "sleeping and eating heals," there is one sIV who intentionally refuses that power. can you guess which one? ]

And I didn't mean that.

[ delayed, but here. ]

Ah... there's another one. [ he almost doesn't want to open his eyes again, but he manages to long enough to add something else: ]

Thanks for worrying about me ... even when it ends up like this.

[at_heart]

[ He still hasn't looked too deeply into sIV's powers. He didn't want to make sIVs targets in games even before he got to watch Izzy rip open Hades's wounds and remake his hand into something less functional. And besides— ]

You're right, that's definitely another one. [ As in, another stupid thing to thank him for. ] People who give a damn about you are going to worry sometimes.

[ ...He was way more self-conscious the first time he said something along those lines to Tea. Heh, he might be more adjusted now to the idea of giving a damn about the people here in general. But Kit absolutely ranks. ]

[ends]

[ from behind a small curtain of hair mercifully blocking out the dimming light, Kitsu merely looks up toward Lupine as if looking through a distant fog, a soft melancholy reaching his eyes. ]

Not always.

[ his voice remains low, soft, and - almost guilty. ]

Not when places and states exist where you can care about someone and still not even blink if they die in front of you.

[at_heart]

[ ... ]

I mean. Sure. Sometimes you're too numb to feel much of anything.

[ Pause. ]

But that's a you problem. It doesn't say squat about the people you care about.

[ends]

[ wow, much foreshadowing. ]

Until everyone around you feels that way about you too, and you realize you might be the one, fragile barrier between complete apathy and...

[ he shakes his head, letting his eyes fall closed. ]

Nevermind. I'm... out of it, I don't know what I'm talking about.

[at_heart]

[ He was talking about depression but stuff can be two things! ]

...Yeah? Man, you really give yourself way too much credit, don't you.

[ Beat. ]

Nobody has that kind of power over other people. [ Softer, ] You can help, and you can hurt, but you can't hold yourself responsible for their whole well-being like that.

[ends]

[ "You're right. I didn't run off and try to disappear from this place when I had the chance. I gave myself the credit that I could be someone instead, and..."

the reflex is there, but he swallows it back, his features going still as he intentionally stalls his breathing. no. ]

Can't I? I've already done it. More than once.

I'll keep on doing it, because I - I don't want to be that person I was anymore. That person who looks out at a crowd of people and hates every single one of them... Pretending like if I laugh on cue and go through the motions, that maybe I'll get a signal that I'm doing it right and feel something.

And I know this, this is... one way to not feel that way again.

[at_heart]

I know you have.

[ Just. Saying that. Because he did see that memory. ]

But it's not fair to you. [ And this is — riskier. ] Wasn't fair to her, either.

[ends]

Nothing was ever fair to her.

[ that answer comes surprisingly easily, perhaps because it spends so much time circling and revolving in his head. ]

Neither was I. How many times did I look at her and do nothing because I didn't have it in me to even give that to her? "Oh, I don't have the energy. Ah, but I'm a lazy, good-for-nothing. No matter what I do, this miserable person is all I'll ever be, so why try to be any different?"

I gave in. I let all of that be true.

[ there it is again, that quiet acceptance. that plain statement, as if discussing yesterday's dinner. ]

You see it all the time in stories, don't you? The people that die and are discarded to showcase unjust lives - so the real heroes can move forward.

[at_heart]

[ ...Wow. ]

Your life isn't a story, Kit. It doesn't work by the same rules. People don't die for dramatic necessity, and you dying won't move the plot forward.