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[at_heart]

You called me, so my guess is you know who I am. But I'm busy, so leave a message, or whatever.

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[at_heart]

I didn't— I'm not— We don't—

[ no need to interrupt him he couldn't finish any of these sentences given all the time in the world ]

[featherbeaned]

Uh huuuuuuuuuh?

[ it's supposed to be encouraging, but there is absolutely, definitely a smile tugging at the corner of her lips ]

1/

[at_heart]

[ Okay nope eye contact is canceled his head is in his hands again.

It doesn't really help. He can still see the thoughtful look on her face in his mind's eye and he can still hear her questions, reverberating around in his head like a song that's gotten stuck there.

Not like he hasn't noticed Art's good-looking. Of course he has, he has functional eyes. If he hadn't also recognized him, maybe he would've already taken a shot.





...Probably not, though. ]

[at_heart]

[ Eventually, quietly: ]

This is stupid.

[ And maybe she'll hear it, maybe she won't, but there's a definite undertone of: I'm stupid. ]

[featherbeaned]

[ oh, she hears it ]

Much as I might tease, there's nothing wrong with not knowing what you're doing. Feeling feelings is hard. Talking 'bout feelings is hard. Feeling and talking about feelings when the feelings apparently contradict something you thought you knew about yourself is even harder.

[at_heart]

[ That's all nice of her to say, but it's not what he meant, so he doesn't immediately reply. Eventually, a little shrug, and he murmurs: ]

Good for me, I guess.

[ Character growth achieved??? ]

[featherbeaned]

Did I say something wrong?

1/

[at_heart]

[ Lupine does, at least, have the grace to shake his head immediately. None of this is your fault, Tea.

He'll push himself up off the floor in a moment. They came here for a totally different reason, and it might be a nice distraction — although the second he thinks that, he feels crappy. No. Getting cute clothes to distract himself from this feeling is fine, making out or messing around in the dressing room without at least letting Tea know where his head's at would not be fine.

Tugging slowly but steadily harder on a section of hair while he thinks. ]

[at_heart]

You're saying all the right things. I'm just — not sure it matters.

[ Numbly. ]

Whatever I might've been feeling there... he definitely wasn't, so.

[featherbeaned]

How do you know? Have you asked him?

[at_heart]

[ A tight shrug. ]

Just doesn't seem like it.

[ In the broadcast version, maybe there's a montage here of all the times they've met up, but he's mostly thinking about D.va's wedding again. ]

I mean, [ and some bitter amusement seeps in, ] I'm the only one getting nervous and weird. He always seems — fine.

[featherbeaned]

[ Aha. That'll be a no, then. ]

Seems fine. Seems unaffected. Here's the thing though: You don't know that. You can't know that — unless you ask.

[ Leans forward, draping her arms across her knees. ]

Which, yeah, I get it, that can be more complicated than I'm making it sound. But. [ and now there's a hint of wryness - ] Speaking personally for a second here? Communication's important. Really, really, ridiculously important.

[at_heart]

[ It's definitely a no, but his shoulders curl in as he listens to her. ]

...yeah. I know.

[ About communication being important. ]

But I also know I'm still... missing things. I mean, we used to be [ tiniest hitch ] close, sure, but... here? I barely know him. That's the only memory I have so far of him as an adult. And apparently we hadn't seen each other in years at that point. Why?

[ Shakes his head, then points his eyes at the floor. ]

At least I know it wasn't because of this. Too bad for the producers, that'd be — really funny for them.

[featherbeaned]

Fuck the Producers.

It's frustrating, yeah. To have somebody this important to you, but to only remember fragments. For them to only remember fragments, if anything. But ... and this might be one of those places where you n' me are different ... why let that stop you?

[at_heart]

[ Lifts his head with a wan smile for her at that, one which lingers as he listens. Is that personal experience? Did her experience with Kit go at all like this?

And he'd like to argue the important part, would like to say that Art can't be important to him already — but. Well. He's spent too many endgames trying to spot Art's face in the crowd for that to convince anyone.

His eyes slide away. ]

What do you mean?

[featherbeaned]

I mean …

[ clicks her tongue thoughtfully, gathering her words ]

You don't know what your relationship was back there. You don't know how he feels here. It's frustrating. It's uncertain. It could hurt. Still — why let that stop you exploring what you could be? What you could have? Sure, things might change as you get back memories, but that's just how life works anyway, right?

You learn. You grow. You change. They learn, they grow, they change. You grow together, or apart. Maybe you grow back together again. Maybe you don't. There's only one way to find out.

[at_heart]

[ That... pretty much sums it up. His mouth twists, like it can't quite decide if it wants to be a smile or a grimace. ]

And here's me, not even buying more memories. It's been ten days since we got that one together.

[ That's how much he's been... afraid of this. Afraid of even knowing, one way or another. That's pretty pathetic, isn't it. ]

[featherbeaned]

[ damn, son. you ain't winning. ]

I know the feeling. Well, kinda. There's times I would've gone weeks and weeks without memories if my phone hadn't buttdialed them for me.

[at_heart]

[ tell him something he DOESN'T know ]

I'm guessing the reason was a little different.

[featherbeaned]

Eh, I'd say it was a typical one: I didn't fancy remembering something that hurt.

Though the kinds of hurts I worried about were different from what you've going on, yeah.

[at_heart]

[ Just... pushes a hand through his hair. ]

You really wouldn't wait, huh. You wouldn't wanna buy a bunch more memories first?

[ He's kind of impressed, in a way. ]

[featherbeaned]

Preeeetty much, yeah! I'll roll with it and see what happens. If it works out how I hope? Nice. If it doesn't? Oh well; it was worth a try.

[ Swishes a leg, a gesture that's somehow almost tail-like ]

I'd regret it more. Not trying, I mean.

1/2

[at_heart]

[ Man, he can't even....... ] [ But after a moment, Lupine frowns.







Stupid games. It's not fair that he even knows. ]

[at_heart]

[ Rubbing the back of his neck and looking Anywhere Else. ]

What if I'm just — fine being his friend?

[featherbeaned]

[ raises an eyebrow ]

Maybe you are. But do you want more?