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[at_heart]

You called me, so my guess is you know who I am. But I'm busy, so leave a message, or whatever.

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[featherbeaned]

[ ! ]

They're someone important to you.

[at_heart]

[ VISIBLY HAS TO WORK NOT TO ARGUE ]

I — well — maybe?

[ congratulate him that was so hard ]

[featherbeaned]

[ she manages to restrain herself from laughing. somehow. miraculously. ]

[ instead she finds the nearest display table to perch on ]

Right. Lay it all out for me. As much as you can, as far as you're comfy.

1/

[at_heart]

[ Just gonna keep leaning his weight on this rack of clothes which miraculously supports him fine. ]

Had two memories with a kid who looked kinda like him in them. We talked, I showed them to him, [ half his unit played peanut gallery, ] and we figured we might as well get some memories together...

[ The floomp becomes slightly more pronounced. ]

One of the ones we bought was the same thing, so it's definitely him, but I—

[at_heart]

[ and up OFF the rack abruptly, all open agitation now ]

How can I still not know who he is?!

[featherbeaned]

Who he is to you, or ...

[at_heart]

[ Doesn't love hearing it put like that. Drags a hand down his face. ]

...Yeah. I mean, one memory when we were like four years old, one memory when we're five, one when we're more like fifteen — so, hey, I've known him a long time...

[ Gesturing fluidly. ]

The one we bought together was some sorta reunion, hadn't seen him in a while, and I—

It should've helped a little, shouldn't it?

[featherbeaned]

Well …

Okay, so. Stop me if I'm coming at this from the wrong angle. [ Hum. Brings one leg up to her chest, loosely draping an arm around it and plopping her chin down on her knee. ]

With all the stops and starts you get with memory regains here, it can be kinda hard to definitively say, "Overall, I feel this way about this person." You're still missing a lot of the context and nuance. And, like ... You've always seemed to me like the type of person who could tie himself up in knots when there's feelings involved. You think so much. So much.

[at_heart]

[ Mostly what he's feeling right now is the heat crawling up the back of his neck. Arms start to cross over his chest, then stop and cross under again. ]

—I just...

[ Okay, he's going to pace. ]

The little-kid memories are simple. Met in some kinda orphanage, moved out of it and in together somehow.

[ Is this actually not simple? He doesn't seem to notice, pushing on. ]

The teen memory, I think we were friends. I was baking — something, it doesn't matter, and he...

[ Pauses, frowning. ]

—Do you wanna see? Maybe it'd be easier if you saw 'em.

[featherbeaned]

[ buddy that does not sound simple ]

If you wanna show me and think it might help, sure, I don't mind. Whatever you're comfortable with.

[at_heart]

[ ...Digging out his phone, finding the memories to rebroadcast them. ]

Okay, let's see, I think you saw the first one...

[ So have memory #14 first. ]

Weren't being adopted there, by the way. She and her husband were just giving us somewhere to stay, and I guess I stuck around.

[ Memory #7 next, then he... spends a moment thinking through it again, the ugly knot of feelings that ended it mostly. Vague, a moment after it ends, ]

Yeah. Definitely friends in that one.

[ Said as much out loud, even, and yet. ]

[featherbeaned]

[ OoooooooooooOOOH ]

[ leans forward a bit, both ears perked ]

You really care a lot about how he feels about you, huh. [ it's an observation rather than a tease ] About how he, like... perceives you, and the things you can do.

[at_heart]

[ thanks he hates every second of that and it's the most mild analysis can't wait to get into the next memory ]

—something like that.

[ Hovering over the button to rebroadcast the last one. Deep breath, then he hits the button. Memory #24. ]

[featherbeaned]

... Ooooh.

Ooh, okay.

Yeah.

You really like this guy.

[at_heart]

[ Every memory he shows her, he has to relive, so her words hit him just as he's emerging from that intense confusing mash, and Lupine jerks out of his pacing to face her. ]

I — what?

[ ...His surprise is genuine. But it's not the only thing he's feeling, not by a long shot. ]

Why would you... [ Wow his mouth is so dry he has to clear his throat. ] I mean, you — seem sure.

[ is it hot in here, he feels way too warm ] [ there's a food court right they could get something to drink or ] [ fuck what is this reaction ]

[featherbeaned]

[ she's watching all of this play out with a slight smile, the heel of her free leg gently swinging ]

If I wasn't sure before, I would be now. I've seen you flustered plenty of times, and I've seen you sass, but I don't think I've ever seen you that in sync with somebody else ... or want their attention and regard that much ... or be that sassy? Snipe-y?

1/

[at_heart]

[ oh cool it's one of those things where he confirmed the thing by being a dumbass ] [ seriously though is it hot in here ] [ just gonna wipe his palms on his pants ]

2/

[at_heart]

[ This is the answer he didn't want, he's pretty sure. But only pretty sure, because the over-warm is verging on dizzy, so he's also going to be sitting down crosslegged in the middle of the floor. ]

3/

[at_heart]

[ What he really wants suddenly is a beer, that's great. Definitely doesn't line up exactly with what Tea's saying and wouldn't amuse her at all. Ugh. ]

[at_heart]

...it's not even that long a memory, you know? Two or three minutes.

[ Quieter. ]

Memory-me feels like ten different things in it, some of them at the same time.

[featherbeaned]

[ she's so tempted to pull out a tub of popcorn ]

[ so tempted. she stops herself with great difficulty. ]

Time isn't always a factor. A heart's gonna do what heart's gonna do, no pun intended.

[at_heart]

[ A unique concern for people confessing things to alchemes. ]

Some of it was pretty negative. [ Said almost testingly, but he can't... really pretend to think liking someone means never being pissed at them, let alone annoyed. ] —Started with surprise and annoyance at him for swooping in and pushing me out of the way.

[ There was a lot else happening under the annoyance, though, and something else creeping in at the edges as he remembers it in the present. Something like... nostalgia. Maybe Art made a habit of that. Maybe it used to really bug him, but it doesn't anymore. Hard to hold onto that feeling, since he doesn't have the memories responsible for that shift, but it's still there fleetingly. ]

...but the fight, the... being in sync part? That was good. That was — a relief. So was seeing him okay, as much as I was also irritated with myself for even thinking it.

[ Seeing him not just uninjured but wiping the floor with this group of people who'd been sent to kill him— ] [ But of course he wasn't and of course he could and it wasn't really like memory-Lupine had ever thought differently, so being relieved was just stupid. ]

[featherbeaned]

I know you already know this, but, spoilers? Getting angry, annoyed, and frustrated are all part n' parcel of liking someone. It happens. Especially 'cause, like … when you like someone, feelings can feel —

More.

[ Drops her leg back down, propping her hands behind herself on the display case ]

It can be a whole lot a lot.

[at_heart]

[ Feelings can feel more is such a summation of the entire memory that it's a little embarrassing. Ughhh burying his face in his hands. ]

You said 'sassy', right? Yeah. Dunno how much you could tell from just watching, but that whole time I was — I don't know how to describe it. Arguing with myself, maybe? It felt like...

[ Trails off, shakes his head. ]

Falling back into old patterns, good and bad. It was so easy to wind him up.

[ And even to his own ears, he sounds conflicted. A strain of amusement, but — regret, too. ]

Didn't want to. Did want to. Both at the same time. It was like — proving yourself right about something you don't really want to be right about.

[featherbeaned]

Yeah ...? And what was that?